December 9, 1999
I am having a MUCH better day (I guess it couldn't have got much worse than yesterday). Last night when Keith got home he noticed that I was feeling depressed, and we talked a little, and he said:
"Aww, hon, you know that when YOU get moody about something and throw a fit I just ignore it -- well, I don't ignore it, but I don't attach any real relevance or importance to it. I know it's just moodiness and that you don't really mean it. Remember that time you told me that if you only got to see me two hours a night that my job wasn't worth it? Well, that sort of hurt at the time but I knew you didn't really mean it, and this morning was the same thing. I was moody and you shouldn't fret all day over it."
That made me feel a lot better. He was right about the job not being worth it comment; I didn't really mean it, I was just upset at the time. So I was reassured that my sweetheart doesn't hate me or think I'm stupid or that I don't care about him, and I sighed a big sigh of relief and we watched half of West Wing (it was a repeat) and South Park. I went to bed happy, which is my goal for most days, so it turned out all right after all.
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks.. Have I mentioned that I LOVE Christmas? It's one of my favorite times of year (along with the Fourth of July, my birthday, daylight savings time day, and Halloween). I made Keith go to Tower Records with me ostensibly to get my little brother a CD for Christmas, but instead I wound up skipping the gift and getting a Christmas carols CD. I love Christmas carols. I love tinsel, and house decorations, and buying presents for people, and making presents for people, and GETTING presents, and going home for the holidays, and having time off from work to spend with my sweetie, and cold weather, and happy people in the mall, and Christmas cards, and, um, just about everything Christmas-related.
I don't even care that stores start putting Christmas paraphenalia up after Halloween. Thanksgiving is a boring holiday. It's nice and everything, but anything that turkey-centric just can't be tons of fun. I don't want to see Thanksgiving stuff in the stores. I want to see Christmas stuff, dammit, and November is not too early to start thinking about what gifts you want to get people. You have to put thought into it so that they know you care, because otherwise the gift is lame.
Come on, you know what I'm talking about. Lame gifts. Like the Bedazzled sweater that I got from my aunt and uncle one year, or the ceramic Santa Claus button covers that I got from distant relatives that I don't even KNOW, another year. Or socks. Every year we got a package of plain white cotton socks under the tree, because Mom figured it was another present for us to open.
I remember one year all I wanted was a rock tumbler. You know, those things at the toy stores that come with these rocks, and you put them in the tumbler with some grainy stuff, and take it out 12 hours later, and it's a gem. It comes with gem settings too. It's pretty cheesy, but I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted one. I wanted one so bad. I thought it would be the coolest thing ever. Well, Mom thought it would be a big hassle and a bigger mess, so she never got me one.
Then one year she finally caved in and got it for me. Yay! Rock tumbler! I could make my own jewelry! I could transform ugly rocks into pretty stones! It would be great! So I set it all up, and started it running, and.. it leaked a little.
Well, that was enough for Mom. "It's broken," she announced, and we sent it back. The replacement gift was a mini-set of a thesaurus, dictionary, and synonym guide, in a crappy cardboard case. It was pretty depressing.
That's why I spend a lot of time shopping for gifts every year. I am NOT going to be that relative. I am definitely NOT going to be the one who gives the lame gift. Hell, no. Not me. That's why my brothers are getting weaponry. What's not to love about a Super Soaker?
Incidentally, I'm still bummed out that now that I'm a grownup and I can buy any toys I want, I'm too big for some of the ones I REALLY wanted and never got. Like the Mickey Mouse phone where you changed the screen and it changed the message it played? I would have killed for that damn phone. And remember Sit N Spin? You sat on it and spun the wheel, and it spun you around. Or those huge bouncy ball things that you sat on and bounced across the yard. I could have had so much fun if I'd had one of those. But did I ever get any? No.
You know what else I never got? Barbies. I never got a single freaking Barbie from my Mom. I admired them in the store, I circled them in the catalog, I thought up which outfit sets I wanted, I had it all planned out. When I went to my friends' houses, I just wanted to play Barbie. I could think up huge scenarios for them to act out (Earthquake, Flood, Lost Neighbor Child, and American Immigrants come to mind), and you could DRESS THEM UP. That was the best. They were way better than stupid action figures. You couldn't dress up G.I. Joe or He-Man, not that I had those either. But anyway, all I wanted were some Barbies so I could play with them and have fun, and I NEVER GOT A SINGLE ONE. Mom was all entrenched in 70s feminism -- well, not entrenched, but interested enough in it to keep me from getting girl-centric toys. Like Barbie.
Which brings me back to my original point, which is that even if I were to get a Sit n Spin or a huge bouncy ball NOW, I'm too big to use it! It wouldn't work. And the Mickey Mouse phone would be boring. And I don't have time anymore to sit on the floor for hours and play with Barbies. No, the time has passed and it's just not the same. I have to satisfy myself these days with computer games and DVD tapes. It's a cruel, harsh world, kids.