November 22, 1999

Note: As mentioned in the entry for the 23rd, I delayed posting this entry until I had a chance to discuss some of these issues with Keith. I DID discuss them, and I do feel better, so this is sort of a case study of how good communication is really key to a healthy relationship. OK, Dr. Laura mode is off, proceed to the entry.

Can I just say right now that I hate the term "on your plate"? If I hear one more person today say "Yeah, you're going to have a bunch more stuff on your plate this week, since we're putting out another book" or "Well, I don't know how much stuff you have on your plate, but can you do this for me?" I am going to scream. These people are supposed to be authors, can't they figure out a less hackneyed turn of phrase to use?

Keith took the car to work today, in an attempt to reduce his commute time. If he takes the bus, he leaves work at 5pm and gets home at 7pm. I'm not particularly happy about this. Because of the job, I get to see him less anyway, and if taking the car means I get to see him half an hour longer in the morning and the evening, it's worth it. It's sort of frustrating because I have to take the bus home, which sucks, and I'm basically trapped here at work all day -- I can't go get coffee, I can't go out to lunch, I can't pick up stuff or go to the bank on my lunch hour -- but like I said, it's basically worth it if Keith can save an hour on his commute every day.

The other thing is that I KNOW Keith is morally opposed to us owning two cars. He thinks it would be evil and polluting. Well, it probably would. I know this. I just can't really support it whole-heartedly. I LIKE driving the car to work, dammit. I like being able to go to the bank at lunch. I like not having to deal with the freaks on the bus. I like not having to wait in the rain for half an hour when I get off work. I like not having to WALK in the rain all the way home from the bus stop. I HATE THE FREAKING BUS, okay?

I didn't MIND not having a car in Chicago. There, public transportation is actually convenient. But here, there IS no light rail system, and the bus system completely sucks. It's like Seattle reached the 1950s, decided it didn't want any more population growth, and stopped planning for the future, from a transit standpoint. It's like, sorry guys but no matter what you WANT to do, you can't build a barrier around the entire city saying "No more residents allowed", which is what I think a lot of people would secretly like to do. It's a big frigging city, and the public transportation sucks. And I have to use it. And that sucks even more.

Keith got mad at me once for complaining about the bus. His point was that if anybody knows how inconvenient the bus is, it's HIM, because he rode the bus instead of driving a car for YEARS, so who am I to complain about the bus? What I didn't say at the time because I was too upset and didn't want to start a big fight over the stupid bus, was that it was basically his choice to ride the bus instead of take a car. It's NOT my choice. Since we only have one car, it is worth it to me to have Keith drive it if it means he gets home earlier. But that doesn't mean I enjoy taking the bus. I hate it. It sucks. It limits my freedom of movement, it adds a half hour to my two-mile "commute", it smells bad, and the people on it are freaks.

I'm not feeling very politically correct today. Also, I miss the El. The people on the El were freaks too, but at least the El was faster than driving, and isn't that supposed to be the point of public transportation? Well, not in Seattle. There are no trains here.

Did I mention that the moron voters here just voted in an initiative that took away most of the money the state would have used to repair or widen the roads? Or build a light rail system? They voted it in so that they could have lower license tab fees.

I'm not making this up, I'm really not.

Oh, and it's raining today. Again. Did I mention that I have to take the stinking bus home? And that even though Keith drove he's staying an extra hour at work so that he can build up comp time for Christmas vacation? So he's not going to be home until 7 anyway? Also, I got so upset last night about not getting to see him so much anymore that he felt guilty and promised to come home instead of going straight to gaming, so now *I* feel guilty because I'm the reason he's going to miss his game and all we're probably going to do is eat dinner and watch TV anyway.

I need to figure out what I've been doing wrong, because I must have been doing SOMETHING wrong lately. I feel like my life has taken an out of control turn for the worse, and there's nothing I can do about it without making things worse. We could buy another car, but that would upset Keith. I could drive the car instead of him, but then I'd see him even LESS during the day. I could quit my job, but then we'd be back to square one as far as our finances go.

God, I'm having a bad day. I hope it's just a mood swing or something. I'm usually much more optimistic than this, really. I should also mention at this time that it's not even 10 AM yet.

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