January 27, 2000

Scene from my life.

This morning Keith missed his bus, so I offered to drive him all the way to work. He said, sure. In the car, out of the blue, he says:

KEITH
Did you wake up at like 5:30 this morning and ask me something?

ME
No.

KEITH
Huh. No, I'm pretty sure you did.

ME
I have no memory of this.

KEITH
Yeah, because you woke up and you said something, and I was like "Ooh, Jan is ready for some good lovin'", and I rolled over, and then "zzzzz".

ME
I fell asleep?

KEITH
No, I don't think you ever woke up. I fell asleep.

ME
Wait, I think I vaguely remember this. There was some dog barking and it woke me up for a minute, and then I flipped myself over and said "Hey babe". But I wasn't really awake.

KEITH
Yeah, that sounds about right.

ME
You were like all on top of me and stuff.

KEITH
No, see, I fell asleep before THAT happened.

ME
No, no, not that kind of on top, I just mean you were like, laying on top of me. I remember thinking, "I should push him off of me, but I'm too tired."

KEITH
Whoa, I totally don't remember that. That was after I fell back asleep.

ME
Yeah, I fell asleep right after that too.

KEITH
...

ME
...

KEITH
We're like, old people.

What the hell is up with this Cuban kid? I've been sort of vaguely aware of this news story for awhile now, but I haven't really been paying attention. I figured it was some human interest story, and that it was a slow news week so CNN was playing it up. You know, just another of those lame stories that you don't bother to actually read past the headline.

So then today I load up cnn.com, and it's like the second lead story after the primary campaign stuff. What the hell? As far as I can tell, it's some Cuban kid whose mom tried to escape Cuba on a raft, and then died. And now his family wants him back. This seems pretty much like a no-brainer to me. But, apparently there's this huge Cuban community in Miami who's lobbying to keep him in the US, and it's turning into a big political hot potato. I heard someone on talk radio this morning say that they didn't respect Al Gore anymore because he said that Elian Gonzales should -- actually, I forget exactly what Gore said, that's how little this thing has been registering with me. What bugged me is that the guy on the radio thought that this issue was so freaking important that it would affect his opinion of who should be the next president.

Maybe I'm just missing something, but since when was the United States in the business of giving illegal immigrants automatic citizenship, especially when said immigrants were five years old and their Cuban family seems to really want them back? Maybe there's some deeper political issues involved, but you know, I seriously doubt it.

West Wing -- no spoilers, so keep reading. If you haven't started watching West Wing, you really need to. It's so awesome that I cannot even describe how awesome it is. I love it so much. There has not been a single episode so far that sucked. Martin Sheen is the best president ever. And Rob Lowe is so dreamy. And Allison Janney makes a GREAT press secretary, I mean really good. Did I mention that this show is totally awesome and that you should go watch it right now? Well, you might have to wait until next Wednesday to actually watch it. But on Thursday I'm gonna be checking. You just wait.

Dear Seattle drivers,

• The sun is a natural occurrence. Sometimes it comes out from behind a cloud. This is not a cue for you to 1) slow down to a crawl, or 2) rear-end the person in front of you.
• If you want to switch lanes, use your damn signal, that's what it's for.
• The green light means "go".
• I don't care how big your SUV is, riding my ass with your high beams on is not going to get you anywhere. In case you hadn't noticed, there's a huge line of traffic in FRONT of me, so unless I happen to be driving a monster truck, I'm not going to be going anywhere fast. Neither are you.
• Speaking of SUVs, you don't need one. This city gets snow like once every three years. If you want to prove how large your penis is, buy a sports car. At least I can see around it in traffic, unlike your big, huge, obnoxious SUV.
• See that thing on the side of your steering column? That's a "turn signal". I know I mentioned it before, but I just want to reiterate that you should use it sometimes.
• Traffic on the 520 bridge is going to be stop and go in the morning. Just accept it. Don't rev your car up to 50 mph when it's "go" and then abruptly slam on your brakes like you're surprised when it stops again. That will only piss off the driver behind you, who is probably me.
• When you see a big sign that says "Lane Ends in 1/2 Mile", that does not mean "Race Your Car As Fast As It Will Go For the Next Half Mile And Then Swerve Abruptly Into the Lane Next to You". FYI.
• I know this is Seattle, but that doesn't mean you can drive your car while 1) drinking your coffee AND 2) using your cell phone. Pick one or the other. Or, better yet, neither.

Best wishes,
Jan

THE FORUM: What pisses you off on a daily basis?

THE FORUM PART DEUX: What's the deal with this Cuban kid?

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